Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out
by strongbad58450
Summary: I straghtened everything out with the police and Crash is good to go in this next installment of the original Star Wars trilogy. The characters are the same, but you'll meet some new characters and returning characters with different roles. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1: Hoth

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 1: The Beginning/Hoth

The usual Star Wars credits come up and is voiced by Aku Aku.

Aku Aku: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

STAR WARS!!!

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have chased them across the galaxy. Can't these guys give them a break? Do you know how much the Rebels went through to blow up the Death Star? They worked really hard on that. Anyway, the Rebels are on the planet Hoth, Vader's looking for Luke Skywalker and several probe droids are scattered across the galaxy. Again, wish they could give them a break. Anyway, enjoy the story.

Pan down to see an Imperial star destroyer and it jettisoned thousands of probe droids. We follow one to the ice planet of Hoth. It burns up in the atmosphere and crashes onto the surface. The probe droid, portrayed by Homsar, reveals itself.

Probe Droid: AaAaAaAaAa have records of DVD breath mints.

No idea what he said. Anyway, we now see a person riding a tauntaun not too far from here. That person is Luke Skywalker, portrayed by Crash Bandicoot. He notices another probe droid crashing near his position. As he looks through his binoculars, he contacts Han Solo, portrayed by Raccoon Joe.

Luke: Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy. Can you read me?

Han over P.A.: Hang on. I'm writing my name in the snow. Okay, what is it?

Luke: Well, I searched the area. There's nothing here. A meteorite crashed near my position. I'm gonna check it out. Won't take long.

Han: Okay, but be careful. There's snow monsters out there.

Luke: Aw, you worry too much. I got everything- AAAAH!!

A wampa, portrayed by a Ratcicle, attacks Luke and knocks him out cold. Luke is then dragged off. Cut to Echo Base, the Rebels' new base of operations. Han gets off his tauntaun and heads to the control room with General Reikkan, portrayed by Mario, and Princess Leia, portrayed by Coco Bandicoot.

Reikkan: How's the search?

Han: No sign of any Imperials, sir. Luke went to check on a meteorite near his position. Says it shouldn't be long.

Reikkan: Fine. Fine.

Han: Listen, I have to get going. I have a huge debt to pay off Jabba. If I don't pay him back soon, he'll kill me.

Reikkan: Wouldn't want that. Take care of yourself, Han. You will be missed.

Han exits into a hallway and Leia pursues him.

Leia: Han! I thought you decided to stay.

Han: Well, that bounty hunter on Ord Mandell changed my mind.

Leia: Han, we need you here!

Han: "We?" Don't you mean "You?"

Leia: What are you talking about?

Han: You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me.

Leia: You're crazy, you know that?

Han: Oh, yeah? Then why do you want me here? Are you afraid that I might leave without giving you a good-bye kiss?

Leia: I'd rather kiss Cortex.

Cortex from off-screen: Really??

Leia: No. I would rather shoot myself than kiss you.

Cortex: Awwww....

Next time:

Chapter 2: The Search for Luke


	2. Chapter 2: The Search for Luke

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 2: The Search for Luke

In the hangar, we see C-3PO, portrayed by Ratchet, and R2-D2, portrayed by Clank, entering the hangar.

C-3PO: Wow. This place is _way _better than that temple on Yavin 4.

R2-D2: Beep. Boop. Beep. I will admit. It's a lot _cooler_ in here.

C-3PO: That was horrible.

C-3PO approaches Han while he and Chewbacca, portrayed by Crunch, fixes the Millenium Falcon.

C-3PO: Hey, Han? Have you seen Luke? We haven't seen him anywhere.

Han: What? Weird. I might as well go out and have a look. See if I can't find him.

C-3PO: How will you find him?

Han: By tauntaun, of course.

C-3PO: What?! Your tauntaun will freeze before you come back!

Han: Then I'll see you in Heck!

As for Luke, he's dangling on the ceiling inside the wampa's cave. His lightsaber is right below him in the snow.

Luke: I can feel the blood rushing to my head.

He tries to reach it, but to no avail.

Luke: Hey! How about a little encouragement here?!

Fine! Luke decides to use the Force to get the lightsaber.

Luke: Now we're talking! Okay...here goes.

Luke uses the Force and grabs the lightsaber out of the snow and cuts himself off the ceiling. The wampa approaches him and Luke cuts off its left arm.

Wampa: I just wanted to give you a hug! Do you know how lonesome it is out here?! Not many people come by here this often! I'm going to sue you for everything you've got!

Luke escapes the wampa's lair into the middle of a blizzard. Sadly, his strength is diminished and he faints in the snow. Suddenly, a ghostly image of Obi-Wan Kenobi, portrayed by Aku Aku, appears.

Obi-Wan: Luke! Luke!

Luke: Ben?

Obi-Wan: You will go to the Dagobah system.

Luke: Dagobah system?

Obi-Wan: There, you will learn from Yoda. The Jedi Master who instructed me.

Obi-Wan disappears and Han Solo comes at Luke. He disembarks from his tauntaun.

Han: Luke! Luke! Wake up, pardner!

A few seconds later, the tauntaun faints and dies. Seeing this opportunity, Han drags Luke over to the tauntaun and uses his lightsaber to cut open the tauntaun.

Han: Hang on, kid.

Luke: Ben...Dagobah system...Yoda...Dagobah...

Han stuffs Luke inside the tauntaun. EWWWWWW!!!

Han: This might smell bad and might make you shower for two weeks, but it will keep you warm until I put the shelter up. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

The blizzard rages and Han tries desperately to put the shelter up in time.

Next time:

Chapter 3: Probe Droid


	3. Chapter 3: Probe Droid

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 3: Probe Droid

The next morning, snow speeders are searching Hoth's snowy terrain for Luke and Han. Cut to a cockpit with Rogue 2, portrayed by Hunter.

Rogue 2: Commander Skywalker, do you copy? This is Rogue 2. This is Rogue 2. Captain Solo? Do you copy?

Han over P.A.: Good morning, pardner! Nice to see you!

Rogue 2: I've found him! I've found him!!!

Rogue 2's snow speeder passes over Han's shelter and Han is waving at the snow speeder. Cut to Echo Base's maternity ward with Luke, 3PO, R2, Han, Chewbacca and Leia.

C-3PO: Master Luke! It's so great that you're alright!

R2-D2: We were so worried about you!

Han: Looks like you get to live another day, pardner.

Luke: Thanks to you.

Han: Well, your highness, looks like I'm staying around a little longer thanks to you.

Leia: I had nothing to do with it. You did this yourself.

Han: Can you believe a word she's saying, Chewie?

Chewbacca: Real fake, if you ask me.

Leia: Why you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!

Han: A what?

Rebel over P.A.: All staff report to command.

Chewbacca: Well, we better get going. Rest up, Luke.

Everyone but Luke appears in the command center.

Reikkan: We've found something in the south sector. It ain't one of our speeders.

Leia: Maybe it's one of those creatures.

Rebel Technician: Hang on. I've got something.

Probe Droid over P.A.: Tidal camels in aisle sandwich. Pencil tubes and kitty mustard.

C-3PO: Sir, I've fluent in over 5,000 languages. I can tell you it's not one of ours. It may be an Imperial.

Probe Droid over P.A.: String cords and money bacon. AaAaAaAaAaAa have toaster shoe pantries.

Han: It isn't friendly, whatever it is. Come on, Chewie. Let's go check it out.

Chewbacca: Got it.

Outside, the probe droid is contacting the Imperial fleet.

Probe Droid: AaAaAaAaAaAa'm eating a crocodile night bed.

Han and Chewbacca discovers the probe droid. Han shoots it and blows up.

Chewbacca: Oh, that's not good.

Han: I know. Better report back.

Chewbacca: Hey! The head's still here.

Probe Droid: AaAaAaAaAaAa like to make whale biscuits.

Chewbacca: Should we keep it?

Han: Chewbacca! I'm surprised at you! Of course we can keep it!

Back at Echo Base.

Leia: What was it?

Han: Droid of some kind. I didn't hit it that hard. It must have self-destruced.

Leia: An Imperial probe droid.

Han: It's a good bet the Empire knows we're here.

Reikkan: We'd better start the evacuation.

Probe Droid: Give me a six and seven boot lick.

Leia: What was that?

Han: Nothing.

Probe Droid: Wash my pits in the sewage bar.

Leia: Are you keeping that thing?

Han: No! Yes. It just sounds funny! Listen!

Probe Droid: Michael Bookstore is my favorite Pop-Tart.

Leia: You're not keeping it.

Next time:

Chapter 4: Discovered


	4. Chapter 4: Discovered

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 4: Discovered

Meanwhile, we see a huge fleet of star destroyers and TIE fighters and bombers. We now see the flagship of the fleet, the Super Star Destroyer _Executor, _which is also Darth Vader's personal flagship. Inside the monster ship, we see Darth Vader, portrayed by Uka Uka, observing the fleet of ships.

Darth Vader: Man, we have a huge fleet. I'd like to see the Rebels blow _this_ up.

Next to the observation deck, Captain Piett, portrayed by Strong Sad, Admiral Ozzel, portrayed by Homestar Runner, and General Veers, portrayed by Strong Bad, looks at the monitor that looks like the shield generator on Hoth.

Captain Piett: Admiral, we found something from one of our probe droids. It's the best lead we've ever had.

Admiral Ozzel: I like leads. One time, I asked Pom Pom to lead me to the bathwoom while I was dwinking cold ones and managed to walk into a closet doow...

Darth Vader inspects the screen.

Darth Vader: You've found something?

Captain Piett: Yes, my lord.

Probe Droid over P.A.: Apple pencils for tiger kites.

Darth Vader: I have no idea what he said, but the Rebels are there.

Admiral Ozzel: Are we going to dwink melonade with them?!

Darth Vader: Set a course for the Hoth system. General Veers, prepare your troops.

General Veers: Finally, some action around here.

Back in Echo Base, Luke is dressed in his pilot suit and meets Han and Chewbacca, who are still fixing the Falcon.

Luke: Chewie, take care of yourself.

Chewbacca: I'm going to miss you. How about a hug?

Chewbacca hugs Luke.

Luke: Okay, Chewie.

Han: Hey, Luke! You be careful out there.

Luke: You take care of yourself too.

Probe Droid: Pencil crunchies for little pin babies.

Luke: What was that?

Han: Nothing.

Probe Droid: AaAaAaAaAaAa drink battery soda with giraffe flakes.

Han: Please don't tell Leia.

In the Echo Base command center.

Technician: Sir, a fleet of star destroyers have exited out of hyperspace.

Reikkan: Send all power to the energy shield. Prepare for ground assault.

The star destroyers have now made it to the planet of Hoth. Inside Darth Vader's private chamber on the super star destroyer, General Veers reports to Vader.

Darth Vader: What is it, general?

General Veers: We've just exited out of hyperspace. We've detected an energy field around the planet. It's strong enough to deflect any bombardment.

Darth Vader: Aw, crap! The Rebels know we're here! Admiral Ozzel moved the fleet too close to the system.

General Veers: Well, what do we do?

Darth Vader: The solution is simple. I'll handle Ozzel. General, prepare your troops for a surface attack.

General Veers: Yes, my lord.

General Veers leaves and Darth Vader activates the monitor in his chambers with Admiral Ozzel and Captain Piett on the screen.

Admiral Ozzel: Oh, hello. Welcome to the Super Star Destroyer _Executor._ It's dot...

Darth Vader Force Grips Ozzel.

Darth Vader: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. And how I'm using Force Grip through the screen is kind of creeping me out a bit. Anyway, Captain Piett?

Captain Piett: Yes, my lord?

Darth Vader: Move our fleet away from the planet and set them up so that the Rebels won't be able to escape.

Admiral Ozzel: Hooway!! I'm being Force Gripped to my death!

Admiral Ozzel dies.

Darth Vader: You are in command now, Admiral Piett.

Admiral Piett: Admiral?! I knew this day would come! Oh, I can't wait to tell all my friends about this! They're going to be so-

Darth Vader: Do you want me to Force Grip you as well?!

Admiral Piett: No.

Darth Vader: Then get to work!

The monitor shuts off.

Darth Vader: I still have to find out how I used Force Grip through the screen. And, man, I love this chair! It has built-in cup holders, it closes and shuts, and I can watch movies on this thing! What would I do without this thing?! Besides choking people that I hate. Well, I'd better go see if we're ready to attack.

Next Time:

Chapter 5: Preparing for Attack


	5. Chapter 5: Preparing for Attack

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 5: Preparing for Attack

Back inside Echo Base, Leia debriefs the pilots on the plan of attack.

Leia: All pilots will be the escorts for our transports. Since the energy shield can be opened for only a short time, only two fighters per escort. Those transports are our first priority.

Pilot: Two fighters against a star destroyer?

Leia: The ion cannon will give you enough time to make your escape. When you get past the energy shield, proceed to the rendezvous point. Are we clear?

All: Yeah.

Leia: Good luck.

Rebel Officer: Okay! Let's get to our stations!

Outside Echo Base, Rebel troops are preparing for an Imperial ground assault. They set up gun and turret positions and keep lookouts for any sign of the Imperial threat. Back inside the Echo Base command center.

Reikkan: Their primary target will be the power generators. Prepare to open shield.

Two X-Wings and a Rebel transport are leaving the planet. A star destroyer is seen near the planet. Back to the command center at Echo Base.

Reikkan: Prepare to fire ion cannon. Fire.

The ion cannon fires and hits the star destroyer. The X-Wings and the transport made it through safely. Back inside Echo Base, Rebel pilots board their snow speeders. We follow Luke boarding one with his gunner Dak, portrayed by Daxter.

Dak: Feeling alright, sir?

Luke: Just like new, Dak. What about you?

Dak: I feel like I could fight the Empire myself.

Luke: I know what you mean.

Back outside Echo Base, something is found in the distance. Rebel troops move to their positions and one Rebel looks through the binoculars and notice a group of Imperial AT-AT Walkers.

Rebel Troop: Echo Base, we've spotted Imperial Walkers on the North ridge. Prepare for combat. Launch all speeders.

Next Time:

Chapter 6: Battle of Hoth


	6. Chapter 6: Battle of Hoth

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 6: Battle of Hoth

Snow speeders begin to take off in Echo Base. The AT-ATs have now engaged the Rebel troops and the Battle of Hoth begins. Cut inside Luke's snow speeder.

Luke: Echo Station 5-7. We're on our way.

The snow speeders are now heading straight for the AT-ATs.

Luke: Alright, let's get ready. Attack pattern Delta! Go now!

Luke engages the AT-ATs and shoots at them. Inside the lead AT-AT is General Veers, who isn't even fazed by the Rebel attack.

Luke: That armor's too strong for blasters! Rogue group, use your harpoons and tow cables! Go for the legs! It might be our only chance of stopping them! Alright, get ready to fire, Dak.

Dak: Luke, I've got a malfunction in fire control. I'll have to cut in to the auxiliary.

Luke: Just hang on, Dak! Get ready to fire that tow cable! I got a really good feeling about-

Dak gets shot by an AT-AT and dies.

Luke: Well, that's a problem.

As for the AT-ATs, they're continuing to advance with little or no problems from the Rebels. Some of the Rebels' turrets have been destroyed by the walkers. Inside General Veers' AT-AT is a hologram of Darth Vader.

General Veers: Yes, Lord Vader. I've approached the power generators. The shield will be down in moments. You may start your landing.

Back in Luke's speeder, he contacts Rogue 3, portrayed by Spyro.

Luke: Rogue 3!

Cut to Wedge's speeder.

Wedge: Copy, Rogue Leader.

Luke over P.A.: Wedge, I've lost my gunner.

Wedge: First your droid dies and now your gunner?

Luke: Can we not start this?

Wedge: Why? Because we're in the middle of a battle that we'll-

Luke: Can you just make your shot at the walker towards your next pass?!

Wedge: Fine. Activate harpoon!

The harpoon makes contact with the AT-AT and Wedge goes around the walker like in the movie.

Wedge: Detach cable!

The cable is detached and the AT-AT falls to the ground. Two snow speeders come around for another pass and blows the AT-AT to Timbuktu.

Wedge: YAAAH!!! That got him!

Luke: I see it, Wedge. Good work.

Despite the AT-AT being destroyed, Imperial troops are overwhelming the troops. More of the Rebels' defenses have been destroyed and General Veers is moving closer to the shield generator. Luke and Rogue 2 are heading towards the AT-ATs for another pass.

Luke: Alright, Rogue 2! Prepare to fire tow cable. Stay tight and low...

Rogue 2 is shot down.

Luke: Oh, that's not good.

Luke's snow speeder's systems begin to fail.

Luke: Aw, crap! I've been hit.

Luke's speeder goes down. What's worse is that an AT-AT is walking towards the crashed speeder. Luke grabs his lightsaber as well as an ion detonator and jumps out of the way when the AT-AT crushes the snow speeder.

Next Time:

Chapter 7: Escape from Echo Base


	7. Chapter 7: Escape from Echo Base

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 7: Escape from Echo Base

Back inside Echo Base, Han Solo enters the damaged command center and finds Leia and C-3PO still in the room.

Han: You all right?

Leia: Why are you still here?!

Han: I heard the command center's been hit. And it looks like I'm right. We'd better get you out of here.

C-3PO: Your Highness, I agree with Captain Solo. We should leave before things get-

An explosion occurs.

Rebel Troop over P.A.: Imperial troops have entered the base. Imperial troops have-

The transmission is cut off.

Leia: You said something about getting out of here?

Leia, Han and 3PO make their way to the Falcon. Outside, the Rebels begin to retreat as the AT-ATs continue to advance killing anyone that tries to escape. As for Luke, he's right below one of the walkers and shoots a cable on the bottom. He is then rappelled up to the walker and cuts open a hatch to throw an ion detonator in there like in the movie. Inside the AT-AT is Cortex, N. Gin , Tiny and N. Brio playing Go Fish.

Cortex: You think we're at the base yet?

Tiny: I don't know. Darth Vader put us in here because he said we'd be getting something special in a few seconds.

N. Brio: I don't know about you guys, but I keep thinking that-

The detonator is tossed in.

N. Gin: What's that?

Cortex: I think it's an energy drink. I want to drink it!

Tiny: Wait a minute...IT'S AN ION DETONATOR!!

N. Brio: Quick! Throw it out before it-

the detonator blows up and the AT-AT head explodes and falls on its side. General Veers is closing in on the shield generator. He shoots and blows it up. Inside the walker...

General Veers: Oh, yes!!! If that doesn't get _me _a promotion that involves hot girls and a really cool-looking star triangle thing that we have a lot of, then I don't know _what_ I'd think.

Cut back inside Echo Base and we see Han, Leia and 3PO rushing to the Millennium Falcon's hangar. An explosion the entrance to the command center occurs and snowtroopers and Darth Vader enters.

Darth Vader: Alright, let's start searching for any Rebels. Considering that we didn't accidentally kill them when we blew up the generator.

Han, Leia and 3PO rush to the Millennium Falcon where Chewbacca is waiting.

Chewbacca: Come on, guys! They're coming this way!

Everyone boards the Millennium Falcon and Darth Vader is not too far behind. Inside the Millennium Falcon, Han and Leia are in the cockpit and they're attempting to take off.

Leia: This bucket of bolts is never going to get us that blockade!

Han: How would you like it if I left you here so that the Imperials can capture you? AGAIN?!

Snowtroopers move into position and an auto-turret activates outside the Falcon and kills some snowtroopers. Chewbacca enters the cockpit.

Han: Come on, Chewie! Switch over. Let's hope that we don't have a burnout.

Chewbacca: We wouldn't want that.

Han: Punch it!

The Millennium Falcon takes off and Vader sees the ship as it makes its escape.

Darth Vader: Ohhh, stupid, freaking shuttle pilot! I told him not to stop at the Imperial Supermarket to pick up some freaking Star Destroyer Crispies! I can't even eat anything with this thing on! He is _so _fired for this!

Luke is seen heading towards his X-Wing and notices the Millennium Falcon taking off. R2 is waiting for Luke in the X-Wing.

Luke: R2! Get ready for takeoff!

R2-D2: Yes, Master Luke!

Luke boards the X-Wing and he leaves the Hoth system.

R2-D2: Is something wrong, Master Luke?

Luke: No, there's nothing wrong. We're just setting a new course.

R2-D2: Aren't we going to regroup with the others?

Luke: No, we're not.

R2-D2: Well, where are we going?

Luke: We're going to the Dagobah system.

R2-D2: Oh. The what?

Luke prepares to head off towards the Dagobah system to find the Jedi Master Yoda.

Next Time:

Chapter 8: The Asteroid Field


	8. Chapter 8: The Asteroid Field

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 8: The Asteroid Field

While Luke and R2 are heading for Dagobah, the Millennium Falcon is being pursued by four TIE fighters and an Imperial star destroyer. Inside the cockpit, our heroes are scrambling to get away from the pursuing Imperials.

Leia: This is nuts!

Han: Look out! Two more star destroyers straight ahead!

Chewbacca: There's no way to get through this!

Han: Yeah? Well, I can still outmaneuver them.

The Millennium Falcon goes into a tail spin and the pursuing star destroyer flies between the two oncoming star destroyers. The four TIE fighters are still right behind. Cut back inside the Falcon's cockpit.

Leia: You do realize that they're going to catch us!

Han: Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Han pushes the switch for the hyperdrive and the engine stalls.

Leia: Watch what?

C-3PO: There's something I noticed, sir. The hyperdrive motivator has been damaged! It's impossible to go to light speed!

Han: Well, that's just great. It can't get any worse than this.

Chewbacca: We're flying into an asteroid field!

Han: Why did you have to mention that?!

Leia: You're not actually going to fly through it, are you?

Han: Eh, what's the harm?

C-3PO: The fact that the odds of navigating an asteroid field is 2,475 to one.

Han: Remind me to take him apart later.

The Falcon _is _flying through the asteroid field and the TIE fighters are still in pursuit. One asteroid crashes into a TIE fighter and another sends the TIE fighter in a tail spin until it explodes. Inside the Falcon's cockpit, several asteroid collisions are happening right in front of them.

C-3PO: Ah, that one's close! Ah, that one's even closer!

Leia: We're gonna get pulverized out here!

Han: Hey, who's driving the ship?

Leia: You?

Han: That's right. So stop side seat driving!

We now cut to the surface of a huge asteroid as the Falcon flies through the surface followed by the two remaining TIE fighters. It flies through a crevice and the TIE fighters crash and explode.

C-3PO: This is suicide! There's nowhere to land.

Han: That looks pretty good.

Leia: What looks pretty good?

Han: That will do nicely.

The Falcon flies into a cave in hopes of evading the Imperials.

Leia: I hope you know what you're doing.

Han: Of course I know what I'm doing! I'm Han Solo!

Next Time:

Chapter 9: Dagobah


	9. Chapter 9: Dagobah

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 9: Dagobah

While Han and the others are hiding in a cave in the asteroid field, Luke and R2 fly to the planet Dagobah.

R2-D2: Is that it?

Luke: Yep, that's it. Dagobah.

R2-D2: Are you sure you won't change your mind about this?

Luke: No, I'm not. I don't read any cities or technology. Massive life readings though. There's something alive down there.

R2-D2: Is it at least perfectly safe for droids?

Luke: Yes, I'm sure it's safe for droids.

As the X-Wing enters Dagobah's atmosphere, it's shaking from massive turbulence and the fog around the planet is real dense that no one can see through it real easily.

R2-D2: Oh, man! The whole ship is shaking! I can't see anything in this fog!

Luke: I know! I know! All the scopes are dead! I can't see a thing! Just hang on! I'm gonna start the landing cycle!

R2-D2: Land where?! We're gonna crash and die and I think I peed myself a little bit! There's nowhere to land and-

The X-Wing crashes into a swamp. Dagobah is revealed to be nothing but swamps, forests and marshlands.

R2-D2: Or crash into a swamp. That works. Man, this place is...dense.

Luke exits the X-Wing and releases R2 as well.

R2-D2: Master Luke, you want me to go with you?

Luke: No, R2. You stay with the ship. I'm gonna have a look around.

R2-D2: Alright. Make sure that you...CRAAAAAP!

R2 falls into the swamp.

Luke: R2? R2! Where are you?! R2!!

R2's scope comes out of the swamp.

R2-D2: I'm alright.

Luke: You be more careful. R2...the surface is that way.

R2-D2: Oh. That way. Thanks.

As R2 heads for land, a creature swallows him up.

Luke: R2!!

Luke heads for a good point to find the creature and shoot it. All of a sudden, R2 flies out of the swamp.

R2-D2: CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!

Luke follows R2 and helps him up.

Luke: Are you all right?

R2-D2: You know, I kind of liked Hoth better.

Luke: If you say coming here was a bad idea, I kind of agree with you. R2, what are doing here? It's like something out of a dream.

R2-D2: A what?

Luke: I don't know. Maybe I'm just going crazy.

R2 vomits.

R2-D2: Now you made me lose my lunch.

Meanwhile, in the super star destroyer, Admiral Piett reports to Darth Vader in his private quarters. He sees Vader put his life support helmet on and turns to Piett.

Darth Vader: Yes, Admiral?

Admiral Piett: My lord, we've followed the Millennium Falcon. But, it's gone through an asteroid field and-

Darth Vader: Asteroids? Is that it? That doesn't concern me, Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses.

Admiral Piett: Yes, my lord.

Vader's seat closes.

Darth Vader: Man, I love this thing! What would I do without this thing?!

Next time:

Chapter 10: Yoda


	10. Chapter 10: Yoda

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 10: Yoda

When we last left Luke Skywalker, he and R2 went to the planet Dagobah to find Jedi Master Yoda and learn the ways of the Force. Unfortunately, Luke's X-Wing crashes into a swamp and he and R2 are pretty much stuck there for a while. So, he decided to set up camp near the crash site. He is now eating his dinner.

Luke: Well, I got camp set up and you're filling up with power.

R2-D2: And it's Dr. Pepper flavored, too. Good choice. I would've preferred Pepsi, but Dr. Pepper works, too.

Luke: Glad you like it. Now, all I have to do is find this Yoda. If he exists, that is. This is a strange place for a Jedi Master.

R2-D2: Hmm.

Luke: Still, this place _does_ seem familiar.

R2-D2: Familiar?

Luke: I don't know. It's like-

Voice: Like what?

Luke arms his gun at a nearby creature and also happens to be Yoda, portrayed by an Ancient.

Yoda: Away put your weapon! I mean you no harm!

Luke: Wait a minute...you're Yoda?

Yoda: Yes. Yoda I am. Did you not hear announcer?

Luke: Sorry. Wasn't paying attention. Anyway, I'm ready for my training.

Yoda: Ready, are you? For 800 years have I trained Jedi. My own council I have.

Luke: 800 years?!

Yoda: Hey, I'm more powerful than you think, pal!

Luke: Oh, yeah? How?

Yoda uses the Force on a giant rock and drops it on Luke.

Luke: You're hired.

Yoda: You are reckless. I cannot teach someone like you.

Luke: Please, Master. Teach me the ways of the Force. I'm not afraid.

Yoda: Oh, you will be. You will be. But, since the people on Fan Fiction don't want long chapters of me training you, we'll cut to a montage! And the music will be Learning to Fly by Tom Petty.

Throughout the montage, Luke undergoes serious training while the song Learning to Fly by Tom Petty plays in the backround. Luke does several push-ups, climbs vines, learns Force Jump, Push and Pull while carrying Yoda on his back. While Luke continues to train, we cut to the super star destroyer in the asteroid field where the Millennium Falcon has fled. Inside, Darth Vader talks with Admiral Piett.

Admiral Piett: Lord Vader. The Emperor wants you to contact him.

Darth Vader: Move the ship out of the asteroid field so that we can send a clear transmission. The last time I talked to someone on a garbled transmission, I accidentally ordered seven dozen pounds of Stormtrooper brand cereal.

The star destroyer moves out of the asteroid field. Darth Vader has activated the knee pad in his private quarters and a transmission of Emperor Palpatine, portrayed by Tabuu of the Subspace Emissary, appears.

Darth Vader: What is thy bidding, my Master?

Palpatine: There is a great disturbance in the Force.

Darth Vader: I have sensed it as well.

Palpatine: The pilot that blew up the Death Star is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker.

Darth Vader: He's just a boy that got lucky. That's all.

Palpatine: Search your feelings, Lord Vader. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi. If he succeeds, it will mean the end of us both.

Darth Vader: What if he was turned? He will prove a valuable ally.

Palpatine: Yes... if he can be turned, he will be useful to us. But I have one question: Can it be done?

Darth Vader: He will join us or die, Master.

Next Time:

Chapter 11: Facing his Fears


	11. Chapter 11: Facing his Fears

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 11: Facing his Fears

As the Imperial fleet continues to search in the asteroid field, the people in the Millennium Falcon continues to make repairs. Han pops in to see how Leia is doing.

Leia: What are you doing?

Han: Will you relax, your Highness? I'm only trying to help.

Leia: Will you stop calling me that?

Han: Sure, Leia.

Leia: I'm perfectly capable of doing this on my own.

Han: Okay. No need to get all testy. Anyway, after we get the ship fixed, what do you say we get some dinner together?

Leia: Sorry. You're not my type.

Han: Oh? And why is that?

Leia: You're a scoundrel. And I date nice men.

Han: So I'm a scoundrel to you?

Leia: Don't try to do it.

Han: But you know that you'll enjoy it.

Leia: Never. I would never in a million years fall in love-

The two kiss. How romantic.

Probe Droid: Please enjoy the tissue flag, Gretchburg.

Leia: Didn't I tell you to get rid of that thing?

Han: Ah, forget it. Now, where were we?

Leia: I-I'm sorry.

Leia leaves to the cockpit in a hurry.

As for Luke, he and Yoda are having a discussion about the Force.

Yoda: A Jedi's strength flows through the Force. But beware of the Dark Side. Forever will it consume you like Obi-Wan's apprentice.

Luke: Vader. Is the Dark Side stronger?

Yoda: No. Much easier to get it is.

Luke: How do I know the good side from the bad?

Yoda: You will know when you are calm and at peace. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense. Never for attack.

Luke: Sounds difficult.

Yoda: With practice and patience, a Jedi you will become.

Luke: I sense something cold and dark. In that area.

Yoda: That place is filled with the Dark Side of the Force. In you must go.

Luke: Why? What's in there?

Yoda: Only what you can take. Oh, and your weapons. You will not need them.

Luke enters the area filled with the Dark Side of the Force. His spine begins to have chills as he discovered the source: Darth Vader. After seeing the Dark Lord of the Sith, Luke wields his lightsaber as does Vader and the two begin to duel. Suddenly, Luke cuts off Vader's head and rolls on the ground. Seconds later, Vader's face explodes and reveals Luke Skywalker's face.

Luke: Okay. This is creeping me out a bit. When Yoda said that I should be afraid, he wasn't kidding.

Next Time:

Chapter 12: Pursued Again


	12. Chapter 12: Pursued Again

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 12: Pursued Again

While the Empire continues scouring the area for the Millennium Falcon by bombing the big asteroid, Leia is sitting in the Falcon's cockpit bored out of her wits.

Leia: Man. If I had my laptop with me, this wouldn't be this boring.

Suddenly, she sees something. As she leaned forward to find the creature, it is revealed to be a mynock, which frightens Leia. She rushes to Han, who's reading a book called Fixing the Hyperdrive for Dummies while Chewbacca and 3PO are playing chess.

Leia: There's something out there!

Han: I'm sorry. What?

Leia: Something is out in the cave.

Han: Just when I was on the right chapter. Alright. Chewie, let's go.

Chewbacca: In a minute. I'm about to win.

C-3PO: Checkmate.

Chewbacca: D-ooooohhhhh!!!!

He tosses the chess board in frustration.

Chewbacca: Alright. Let's go.

Han, Leia and Chewbacca go outside in the cave.

Leia: This ground feels all wet and mushy.

Han: Yeah. I feel like I've walked in Chewbacca's private toilet.

Chewbacca: You know that I always leave in on the floor next to the cockpit!

Several mynocks fly by, Han shoots and the cave begins to rumble.

Han: Wait a minute.

Han shoots again and the whole cave begins to shake. Han, Leia and Chewbacca retreat back into the Falcon and they enter the cockpit.

Han: Hang on, sweetheart! We're taking off!

The Millennium Falcon takes off and notices that the "cave" has teeth.

Leia: The cave is collapsing!

Han: This is no cave.

Indeed, Han is right. The cave happens to be a giant space worm. It misses, the Falcon escapes, and the worm goes back in the hole. Now, back on the super star destroyer, there is a bounty hunter line up and each bounty hunter is portrayed by a video game character that can be passed off as a smuggler/bounty hunter. For example, Bossk is portrayed by General Scales, 4-LOM is portrayed by Dr. Nefarious and Boba Fett's character is anonymous. But the bounty hunter _does_ have two bodyguards, who are also anonymous.

Darth Vader: You will be paid a hefty sum for the one who finds the Millennium Falcon. But, when you do find it, the crew must be captured alive. No disintegrations.

Boba Fett (Female Voice): As you wish.

Admiral Piett: My lord, we have them.

Once again, the Millennium Falcon is chased by an Imperial star destroyer and they leave the asteroid field.

Han: Alright, Chewie. Let's cross our fingers on this.

Chewbacca: Right.

Han: One, two, three!

And the hyperdrive stalls once again.

Han: Aw, great. Well, there's still one thing we can do. Chewie, turn us around!

Leia: You're gonna attack them?!

Han in a mocking voice: "You're gonna attack them?!" That's how you sound. "You're gonna attack them?!" Imagine listening to that all day.

Indeed, the Millennium Falcon rushes at the star destroyer. Inside, Captain Needa, portrayed by N. Tropy, sees them coming.

Captain Needa: It appears they're in attack position. Shields up.

The Falcon flies overhead and disappears.

Captain Needa: Track them! They may come around for another pass.

Doom Monkey: Captain, they've disappeared off our scopes!

Captain Needa: Impossible! No ship that small has a cloaking device. Except for General Veers' shuttle because he thinks he's awesome. So he blew up the shield generator on Hoth! They still escaped!

Voodoo Bunny: Captain Needa! Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit.

Captain Needa: Ohhhhhhh... Um... Would any of you like to report to Vader for me because I do not want to get Force Gripped. Eh, what's the harm? I'm pretty sure that he's not going to be upset. I'll just apologize and everything will go well.

Next Time:

Chapter 13: X-Wing Trouble


	13. Chapter 13: XWing Trouble

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 13: X-Wing Trouble

Meanwhile, back on Dagobah, Luke Skywalker is in a hand stand position and using the Force on rocks.

Yoda: Good. Feel the Force flow through you. Now, the rock.

The Force is used on the rock when suddenly the X-Wing begins to sink in the swamp.

R2-D2: Master Luke! The X-Wing is sinking!

Luke falls to the ground.

Luke: Oh, great. Now how am I gonna get out of here?

Yoda: Use the Force, you must. Only then can it save your ship.

Luke: Master, using the Force on rocks is one thing but this is totally different. It's a ship.

Yoda: Just use the Force.

Luke: Okay. I'll try.

Yoda: No. Do or do not. There is no try.

Luke attempts to use the Force to get the X-Wing out of the swamp. It seemed to work at first but it continued to sink.

Luke: I can't. It's too big.

Yoda: Big? Big? Only in your mind is it big. The Force around you much stronger than the size of a meager ship. Judge _me _by my size? Hmm? The Force is what helps you, not your muscles. You must feel the Force around you. From the tree. And the rock. And that dead giant dragonfly carcass that's been there for two weeks.

Luke: You want the impossible.

Luke leaves in frustration and depression in a nearby ditch. Yoda then uses the Force to get the X-Wing out like in the movie. Suddenly, the X-Wing is pulled out of the swamp and is floating right towards land. Luke then sees the X-Wing coming towards land in amazement. Finally, the X-Wing touches down.

R2-D2: Wow. That was amazing. Remind me to never pack 20 tons of Dr. Pepper in the storage compartment.

Luke: This is amazing. How did you do it?

Yoda: That is why you fail.

Luke: Well, that was promising.

Next Time:

Chapter 14: What's the Next Move?


	14. Chapter 14: What's the Next Move?

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 14: What's the Next Move?

Back in the super star destroyer, Captain Needa is being Force Gripped by Vader.

Captain Needa: Why did I say that it was going to end well for me?

He dies.

Darth Vader: Because, Captain Needa, you never make me upset.

Admiral Piett: Lord Vader, we've searched the area and we can't seem to find the Falcon anywhere.

Darth Vader: Put all ships and stations on high alert. No one is to escape.

Admiral Piett: Yes, my Lord.

Darth Vader: Don't fail me again...Admiral. Or else you'll be next.

Admiral Piett: Well, that's a pleasant thought. Put all stations on high alert.

But what about the Falcon? It's latched on the back of a star destroyer like in the movie. Nothing surprising. In the cockpit, the gang follows the fleet movement.

C-3PO: Well, this is a fine predicament you've gotten us into! Why not fly in front of the fleet so that they can capture us and-

Leia deactivates 3PO.

Han: Thanks. Chewie, get ready to detach the claw. The fleet's beginning to break up.

Chewbacca: Got it.

Chewbacca leaves.

Leia: So, what do we do now?

Han: Well, if they follow Imperial protocol, they'll dump their garbage before going to light speed and then we'll just float away.

Leia: With the rest of the garbage. And then what?

Han: Then we search for a safe area.

Han searches through the ship's archives for anything that's not owned by the Empire.

Leia: See anything?

Han: Just space stations and Imperial commercial advertisements on Star Destroyer Crispies and How to Kill Rebel Scum in Ten Easy Steps. Wait. This one's interesting. Lando.

Leia: Lando system?

Han: Not a system. He's a man. Lando Calrissian. He's a card player, smuggler like me. It says here he's on Bespin. It's far, but I think we can make it.

Leia: A mining colony?

Han: Yeah, for tibanna gas. Lando conned somebody out of it. It says that we go a long way back, Lando and me.

He shuts down the archives.

Leia: Can you trust him?

Han: No. But he's got no love for the Empire.

The star destroyer releases its garbage and the Falcon is detached. A few seconds later, the star destroyer goes into hyperspace. And the Millennium Falcon begins its journey to Bespin. What they don't know is that they're being followed by the ship Slave I, which is piloted by the bounty hunter Boba Fett, and the character portrayal is still anonymous.

Next Time:

Chapter 15: Leaving Dagobah


	15. Chapter 15: Leaving Dagobah

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 15: Leaving Dagobah

While Han and the others are off to Bespin, Luke continues his training. All of a sudden, he freaks out.

Luke: Han! Leia!

Yoda: Control. Control. You must learn control.

Luke: Master, I saw a city in the clouds.

Yoda: It is the future you see. Friends you have there.

Luke: Will they die?

Yoda: Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.

Luke: I have to go to them.

Yoda: If you leave now, help them you can. But it will destroy all you have learned.

Luke: And what of Han and Leia? They're my friends and I can't get the visions out of my head. I have to go.

Yoda: You must not go.

A few seconds later, Luke is in his pilot suit and R2 is in his X-Wing and they are about to leave.

Yoda: A grave mistake you are making.

Luke: Look, once I rescue my friends, I'll come back and finish the training.

Suddenly, Obi-Wan's spirit appears.

Obi-Wan: You must listen to Yoda. If you leave now, there is a chance that you might not come back.

Luke: I told you, I have to help my friends.

Obi-Wan: This is the opening that the Emperor wants. You will be no match for him or Vader if you leave now.

Luke: I _will _come back.

Obi-Wan: Fine. But if you do confront Vader, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere.

Luke: Understood.

Obi-Wan: Luke! Remember to use the Force! It will help you!

Luke: I will! And I will come back! I promise!

Luke takes off and Yoda watches him leave the planet like in the movie.

Yoda: Told you I did. Reckless is he. Now there is no hope.

Obi-Wan: That boy is our last hope.

Yoda: No. There is another.

Obi-Wan: There is? Who?

Yoda: Tell you I will not! Spoil the moment it will!

Obi-Wan: They've seen the movie! They all know who the other one is! Tell me!

Yoda: Okay. Our other hope is-

Next Time:

Chapter 16: Lando Calrissian


	16. Chapter 16: Lando Calrissian

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 16: Lando Calrissian

As Luke leaves Dagobah to rescue his friends from certain doom, Han and the others have reached Bespin and are en route to Cloud City. Two cloud cars come and intercept them.

Han: No. I don't have a landing permit. I'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian.

A cloud car opens fire.

Han: Hey! Why are you shooting at us?!

Cloud Car Pilot: Sorry. My copilot is new and he's in charge of the weapons.

Cloud Car Copilot: Are they going to dock my pay for this?

Cloud Car Pilot: Yes. Anyway, head straight for the designated landing platform.

Han: Thank you.

The Millennium Falcon lands on their designated platform and the four depart from the ship to see that no one's there to greet them.

Leia: I don't like this. Where is he?

Han: Re-lax. He'll be out here.

The door opens and Lando Calrissian, portrayed by Ebenezer Von Clutch, comes out along with his Bespin guards, portrayed by Von Clutch's MotorWorld workers, and Pasadena O' Possum being portrayed as Lando's closest advisor.

Han: Hey, Lando!

Lando: Why you sniveling, immature, brain dead dumpkoff! You've got a lot of nerve coming to me.

Han: Uh...

Lando: Nein. Just joking with ya. Nice to see you again. And you too, Chewbacca.

Chewbacca: Likewise.

Lando: Well, guten tag, Miss...

Leia: Leia.

Lando: Welcome, Leia. Welcome to Cloud City.

C-3PO: And I am C-3PO. Human/cyborg relations. It's very glad to meet-

Everyone leaves.

C-3PO: Well, the nerve.

Everyone enters the building and they walk and talk.

Lando: By the way, did you meet Pasadena?

Han: Can't say that I have.

Lando: She's my closest advisor.

Leia: Sweet! Another girl in the group.

Pasadena: Pretty lonesome, ain't it?

Leia: Yeah. Ever since the grease monkey of a pilot shot my servant-

Han: It was an accident!

Leia: It has been pretty lonesome.

Pasadena: Well, no need to feel lonesome now.

C-3PO notices an open door and goes in.

C-3PO: Well, this is a nice room. I feel like I'm back in Geonosis. In fact, these wires are pretty impressive. One's been misplaced. I'll just have to-

C-3PO is shocked and falls into pieces.

A few hours later, Leia and Han are reacquainted in their new room. Just then, Chewbacca enters the room with C-3PO in a box and also deactivated.

Han: What happened?

Chewbacca: I found him in a junk pile.

Leia: And why does he smell so bad?

Chewbacca: I had to use the restroom really badly and I accidentally dropped him in the toilet while I was fixing him.

Han: That's a shame. Well, let's go see Lando for lunch.

Leia: What about 3PO?

Han: Ah, Chewie can fix him. Considering he's not sitting on a toilet.

Chewbacca: I hadn't gone since we got detached from the star destroyer.

The three leave and meet Lando and Pasadena in front of the doors to the dining room. Lando opens the door and reveals Darth Vader sitting at the far end of the table. Chewbacca growls and Han shoots him but Vader Force Pulled the blaster to him.

Darth Vader: We would be honored if you would join us.

Boba Fett appears next to Vader along with her two bodyguards. Again, character portrayal anonymous. Stormtroopers began forming behind them.

Lando: I had no choice. They arrived before you did. I'm sorry.

Han: Me too.

The gang enters the dining room and the doors close behind them. After that, they began eating dinner.

Leia: You know, for a sleazy traitor, he does have good food.

Chewbacca: No kidding.

Lando: We try our best.

Pasadena: Aren't you gonna take that helmet off?

Boba Fett doesn't answer.

Han: Who is Boba Fett portrayed by?

Leia: You're kidding, right?

Darth Vader: Even I can't figure it out. And I'm a Sith.

Leia: It's Nina Cortex, you idiots!!

Everyone looks in confusion

Leia: For crying out loud! Boba Fett has metal hands!! And he's small! Not to mention the fact that her bodyguards are Brat Girls!

Everyone: Ohhh!!! Who's Nina Cortex?

Leia: She is!!!

Boba Fett removes her helmet and it is revealed that he is indeed portrayed by Nina Cortex.

Han: Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

Lando: Haven't seen that face before.

Chewbacca: Are you a guy?

Darth Vader: What's her name again?

Leia: You know what? End the chapter. I don't even care anymore.

Han: Is it Owen Wilson?

Next Time:

Chapter 17: Forever Frozen

Han: Miley Cyrus! Her name is Miley Cyrus!

The next chapter could be a while unless they learn who Nina Cortex is. It might probably take days.

Han: Zac Efron!

Or weeks.

Chewbacca: John Travolta!

Months.

Darth Vader: Mark Hamill!

Alright, there might never be another chapter. We'll see what happens.


	17. Chapter 17: Frozen Forever

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 17: Frozen Forever

Well, it wasn't easy, but the story is back on track. I had to give them each $1,000 just to get Nina's name right. Plus, a bit of counseling, tutoring and Nina shooting them in the legs isn't that bad of an idea either. Man. The way she shot them was amazing. After those guys were shot in the legs, Nina put live black widow spiders into their wounds and were rigged with explosives. And once the black widows bite people, the bombs detonate thereby doubling the victim's pain. That girl knows how to be evil. Anyway, after a few months in the hospital, we're back on track. Chewbacca is locked in a cell and he attempts to rebuild C-3PO. But that's not important. What's _really _important is the part where Han is tortured by the Imperials. Apparently, they're forcing him to listen to Homestar sing Food Related Love featuring Tenerence Love.

Homestar: Girl, we've got a food-related love. And it makes me want to sing.

Han: Oh, the torture! Why did Vader have to choose _this_?!

Stench: It was either this or see Homestar naked.

Han: Why is it Homestar?!

Voodoo Bunny: Well, considering that people would rather shoot themselves than be anywhere _near _Homestar is why we chose this form of torture.

Homestar (High Pitched): They got a pot of fondue.

Han: Oohhh!! Sweet mercy!

Outside the torture chamber, Lando and Boba Fett are waiting and listening to Han scream for mercy.

Han: HE SUCKS SO BADLY!!!

Han is then crying.

Han: WHY CAN'T I BE TICKLED MERCILESSLY?! IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!! OHHHH!!!

Then there is silence. Vader leaves the room.

Lando: Lord Vader.

Darth Vader: You may take Captain Solo to Jabba the Hutt after I'm done with him.

Boba Fett: He's no good to me dead.

Darth Vader enters an elevator

Darth Vader: I would not damage your prize.

Lando: This is not what we agreed on.

Darth Vader: As for you, Lando, Leia and the wookiee must not leave the city.

Lando: That was never a condition of our agreement! Nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter!

Darth Vader: Perhaps you think you are being treated unfairly?

Lando: Nein.

Darth Vader: Good. It would be a shame if I left a garrison here. Let's not forget about the bounty hunter killing your marsupial friend. That black widow bomb was pretty thorough. Remind me not to make fun of Nina whether she's portrayed by Boba Fett or not.

The elevator closes.

Lando: This deal gets worse all the time.

The elevator opens again.

Darth Vader: Oh, and one more thing. I want you to wear these clown shoes, this dress, ride a unicycle the whole time, and call yourself Mary.

Lando: What?! I'm not doing that!

Darth Vader: Perhaps you think you are being treated unfairly?

Lando: Ja!

Darth Vader: Want me to leave a garrison here? I'll do it.

Lando: Fine.

Darth Vader: Good.

The elevator closes again.

Lando: This is the worst deal I've made since I agreed to be Homestar's backup singer.

Back in the cell, Chewbacca continues to fix 3PO. Again, not so important. No one cares about a complaining protocol droid. Anyway, Han is dropped off in the cell with Chewbacca. The wookiee then opens a bed for Han to lay on. A few seconds later, Leia is put into the cell and is right next to Han.

Leia: Why are they doing this?

Han: They made me listen to Homestar sing. My brain was splitting the whole time.

Soon Lando and two Bespin guards walk in.

Leia: Lando.

Han: What do you want?

Lando: Shut up and listen! Lord Vader requests that you stay in ze city with me. I want you to stay calm and I'll take care of you.

Leia: Are you kidding me? Vader wants us all dead.

Lando: He doesn't want you at all! He's after somebody called Skywalker.

Han: Luke.

Lando: Lord Vader set a trap for him.

Leia: And we're the bait.

Lando: I'm sorry. I've done all I can. There's no way out for any of us.

Moments later, Lando meets Darth Vader in the carbon freezing chamber.

Darth Vader: This facility is crude and there's ugnaught droppings everywhere, but it should be adequate enough to bring Skywalker to the Emperor.

Lando: Lord Vader. We only use this chamber for carbon freezing. We don't know if he'll survive the process.

Darth Vader: Then perhaps a demonstration is required. We will test it on Captain Solo.

Soon Han, Leia and Chewbacca with 3PO on his back enter the carbon freezing chamber surrounded by stormtroopers. Darth Vader enters.

Han: What's going on, buddy?

Lando: You're being put into carbon freeze.

Boba Fett takes her helmet off and gives it to one of the Brat Girl bodyguards.

Boba Fett: What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me.

Darth Vader: I will pay you fair composition if he is killed. Put him in.

Two stormtroopers attempt to grab Han, but Chewbacca retalitates. Boba Fett gets ready to shoot, but Vader stops her. Chewbacca is then subdued.

Han: Chewie! Screaming like a baby won't help! Listen to me. You have to take care of the princess.

Chewbacca: Okay. But I'll miss you.

A few seconds later, Han kisses Leia for the last time and Han is moved into position.

Leia: I love you.

Han: I knew that from the beginning of the series.

The ugnaughts, portrayed by ninja penguins, now lower Han into the chamber and Leia and the others watch in sadness and pain. Steam flies out and a claw grabs Han a few seconds later. It soon carries out Han who is completely frozen in carbonite. The carbon frozen Han tips over and Leia and the others now see Han's face completely frozen in carbonite. Lando checks the casing.

C-3PO: Oh, he's been frozen in carbonite. Let's just hope he survived the process.

Darth Vader: Well, Calrissian? Is he alive?

Lando: Ja. He's alive.

Darth Vader: He's all yours, bounty hunter.

A Stench approaches.

Stench: Sir. Skywalker has just landed.

Darth Vader: Good. Make sure that he makes his way here. General Calrissian, take the princess and the wookiee to my ship.

Lando: You said they would be in the city under my supervision!

Darth Vader: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.

Darth Vader leaves. Leia and Chewbacca look in sadness as they see their friend Han frozen.

Next Time:

Chapter 18: Lightsaber Duel


	18. Chapter 18: Lightsaber Duel

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 18: Lightsaber Duel

While Han is being transported to Boba Fett's ship, Luke manages to see Boba Fett and Han Solo walking by with the Brat Girl bodyguards close behind. He looks around the corner and all of a sudden, Boba Fett reappears and opens fire. Lando, Leia and Chewbacca, on the other hand, are heading in another direction and Lando contacts Lobot, portrayed by a worker, in secret. Luke catches up and sees the gang being escorted by Imperials and they flee to another room. Suddenly, a door opens and Luke enters taking him to the carbon freezing chamber. The lights come on and Darth Vader appears.

Darth Vader: The Force is with you, young Skywalker. But you are not a Jedi yet.

Luke approaches Vader and wields his lightsaber and Vader does the same. We are now about to witness the lightsaber duel of the century. The two begin to duel like in the movie. While they're busy, cut to the Imperials escorting Leia and Chewbacca when they are arrested by the Bespin guards called in by Lando.

Lando: Well done, boys. Take them to ze north tower and keep them quiet.

The Bespin guards and Imperials leave. Lando gives the taken blasters to Leia and Chewbacca.

Leia: What do you think you're doing?

Lando: What's it look like? We're getting out of here.

Leia: After what you did to Han, do you think we'll trust you?

Chewbacca strangles Lando.

Lando: I was just trying to help.

Chewbacca: Help? You imprisoned us and froze my pal in carbonite?!

Lando: You're crushing my oxygen tanks.

Chewbacca: Good!

Leia: Squeeze him harder Chewie!

Chewbacca: Gladly!

C-3PO: Come on, guys! Listen to reason! He might be useful!

Leia: Useful how?!

Lando: Han! There's still a chance to save Han!

Pasadena with an injured leg appears.

Pasadena: Listen to him. Han is taken to the east platform. That's where the bounty hunter's ship is.

Leia: Chewie.

Chewbacca lets go of Lando and they rush to the east platform. Speaking of which, Boba Fett is on the east platform next to her ship, the _Slave I._

Boba Fett: Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold.

Two Bespin guards put Han in the Slave I and Boba Fett follows along with her bodyguards.

Leia and Chewbacca are close behind and run into R2 along the way.

C-3PO: R2! So glad to see you again!

R2-D2: What's going on?!

Chewbacca: We have to save Han! Hurry!

R2-D2: Why are we rescuing Han? And what happened to you, 3PO?

C-3PO: It's a long story. Come on!

But by the time they arrived, the Slave I has already taken off and the two Bespin guards were killed when Boba Fett wedged thermal detonators down their throats and blew their heads up. Out of the blue, stormtroopers form behind the heroes and open fire. Another classic gun fight ensues. The gang retreats to the Falcon. Meanwhile, the duel between Luke and Vader begins to heat up.

Darth Vader: You have proven to be a worthy adversary.

Luke: You'll find I'm full of surprises.

Luke falls into the carbon freezing chamber.

Darth Vader: All too easy.

Vader activates the process, but Luke jumps out just in time.

Darth Vader: Perhaps you are not as skilled as you say.

Luke grabs a hose and sprays Vader with air.

Darth Vader: Ohh! Great! I just had my mask washed after I ate dinner in the Bespin dining hall! Now I have to wash it again!

Luke pushes Vader off the chamber.

Darth Vader: OW! You could've killed me! I'm just a guy in a metal suit! Go easy on me!

Luke follows Vader in a different room in lower Cloud City. Vader appears again and uses the Force on the objects around them and aims them at Luke. Suddenly, Vader uses the Force on a chunk of pipes and hurls them at the window and Luke is sucked out like in the movie. Again, not so important. Luke hangs on to the railing and climbs up saving himself from plunging to the depths.

Next Time:

Chapter 19: Secrets Revealed


	19. Chapter 19: Secrets Revealed

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 19: Secrets Revealed

While Luke tries to catch his breath, we see Leia, Chewbacca, Lando, Pasadena and the droids heading to the Falcon while fending off a squadron of stormtroopers. They then rush to the door to the ship which happens to be closed.

Lando: Crap! They changed the code. I liked having beef shnitzel be my secret security code.

Leia: Beef shnitzel?

Lando: Have you tried the stuff? It's really good

Pasadena: That's just great. See if that blue droid bypasses the security system and unlocks the door.

Leia: Good idea. R2, hurry! More stormtroopers are coming.

R2-D2: I'm already on it.

R2 uses his decoding attachment thing and tries to bypass the code. More stormtroopers are moving in.

C-3PO: Will you hurry it up?! We can't last much longer!

R2-D2: I'm trying! I'm trying! You know what would make this go faster? You not yelling at me!

C-3PO: Just hurry it up, you beeping trash can!

R2-D2: Almost...GOT IT!

The door opens and our heroes rush to the Falcon with more stormtroopers close behind. R2 uses a smokescreen to stall the stormtroopers for a little bit but they are still in pursuit. Chewbacca retreats into the Falcon along with R2 while Lando, Pasadena and Leia fend off the stormtroopers.

Lando: Leia! Go!

Leia and Pasadena retreat into the Falcon followed by Lando. A few seconds later, the Falcon takes off.

Spike: Well, Vader's gonna be less than pleased.

Magmadon: Why are we so lame?

Ratcicle: Because we are.

Magmadon: So, who's going to deliver the bad news to Vader?

Spike: Not me.

Ratcicle: No way.

Doom Monkey: You're asking the wrong stormtrooper.

Koo-Ala: You're on your own.

Magmadon: Are you saying that _I _should deliver the bad news?

Ratcicle: Yep.

Spike: Pretty much.

Voodoo Bunny: Yeah.

Doom Monkey: Yeah.

Magmadon: You guys suck, you know that?

Meanwhile, Luke reenters the room he was jettisoned from and searches for Vader. Suddenly, Vader shows up with his lightsaber out and the two begin to duel again. The two then move from the room back onto the railing and are now moving towards the end.

Darth Vader: Luke, you are beaten. There is no way that you can defeat me. Don't think for a second that you will win against me.

Luke hits Vader's shoulder.

Darth Vader: OW! Oh, that is it!

Vader cuts off Luke's right hand.

Luke: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Darth Vader: Not so great when it happens to _you _now, does it?

Luke retreats to those pole things in the movie.

Darth Vader: Luke, there is more power in you than you fully understand. I can train you to become powerful. Join me and we will be an awesome team. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

Luke: I'll never join with a person that had lip gloss and eyeliner put on him!

Darth Vader: You know, I could cut the support beam you're standing on, so why don't you shut up and listen to me speak? Now, where was I? Ah, great. I lost my train of thought. We would be an awesome team. Bring order to galaxy. Train you to become powerful.

Luke: There's power in me than I understand?

Darth Vader: No, I said that. Ah, the heck with it. I'm just going to come right out with it. Luke, believe it or not, I am your father.

Luke: Wha- You- You are my father?! That can't be!

Darth Vader: Oh, believe it. I _am _your father. I got a picture of me and my wife right here. See, there's me and my wife Padme.

Luke: It can't be- Wait. How long have you carried that thing?

Darth Vader: I don't know. When you've been severely scorched on Mustafar, you lose your train of thought. It kind of sucks but...it still kind of sucks. Anyway, let's get back to the topic on hand. Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son. Oh, and one more thing. If by some chance we duel again and you beat me, I'll kill my master. Not like it's going to happen since I have more experience than you and-

Luke falls into the abyss.

Darth Vader: Oh, sure. Fall while I'm still talking. That helps. Seriously, how long _have _I been holding this picture? And why do I still carry it with me? Who am I? That's the Mustafar thing again. I need to see someone for this. It's starting to kill me here.

Next Time:

Chapter 20: Fixed Hyperdrive


	20. Chapter 20: Fixed Hyperdrive

Star Wars

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Out

Chapter 1: The Beginning

The usual Star Wars credits come up and is voiced by Aku Aku.

Aku Aku: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

STAR WARS!!!

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, the Imperials have chased the Rebels across the galaxy. Can't they give the Rebels a break? Do you know how hard they worked to even have a chance of blowing that thing up? Anyway, they've taken refuge on Hoth, Darth Vader is searching for Luke Skywalker and probe droids are launched into the far reaches of space. Again, the Rebels never get a break here. Enjoy the story.

Pan down to see a star destroyer launching probe droids from the bottom. We follow one to the ice planet of Hoth and is burning up in the atmosphere. It soon crashes on the surface and a probe droid, portrayed by Homsar, emerges.

Probe Droid: AaAaAaAaAa keep records of DVD breath mints.

No idea what he said. Anyway, we see a person riding a tauntaun and we get a close-up of the person. It is none other than Luke Skywalker, portrayed by Crash Bandicoot. He surveys the area to see if anything suspicious is happening when another probe droid crashes near his position. He looks through his thermal binoculars and contacts Han Solo, portrayed by Raccoon Joe.

Luke: Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy. Can you read me?

Han over P.A.: Can it wait? I'm busy writing my name in the snow. Okay, what do you want?

Luke: Well, I just completed my survey of the area. Nothing exciting. A meteorite landed near my position. I'm gonna go check it out. Won't be long.

Han: Alright, but be careful. There's snow monsters out there.

Luke: Ah, you worry too much. I- AAAHHH!!!

A wampa, portrayed by a Ratcicle, attacks Luke and knocks him out unconcious. Luke is then dragged off to the wampa's lair.

Meanwhile, at Echo Base, the new Rebel command center, Han enters the hangar and gets off his tauntaun. He then heads off to the command center with Princess Leia, portrayed by Coco, and General Reikkan, portrayed by Mario.

Han: Well, I checked around. No sign of the Empire.

Reikkan: Good. Good.

Han: Listen, I have to get going. Jabba's still got a huge bounty on my head. If I don't pay him back, then he's probably going after me.

Reikkan: Okay. It's a shame that you decided to quit, but you will be missed.

Han: Thank you, General.


End file.
